I have guilt about not having blogged in awhile, and yet I forget about it entirely. Part of that is the fact that it has been hard to get on the internet, in the slipstream of summer, on the run from UVI, and yet up until recently continually in the gaping eye of the university, anchored in Brewer’s Bay in full sight of the new student dorms and the administration building. Now we are in Culebra, which always feels like an odd and desperate place, but at least I am able to think again.
The complicated pleasures of life aboard. Technology is part of this. The frustrations of not being able to “connect,” but temporary freedom from endless pings, exigencies of connection, makes my physical reality so much more immediate.
Guilt over not seeing Tallulah, and not being able to pay attention to her when I do see her, have been radically lessened by lack of internet and the decision to take her out of school. With extra time on my hands, I decide to immediately begin homeschooling. We explore, informed by the utopian vision of anarchy. Things find their own shape once we stop imposing a generalized order. We scan poetry, do science experiments involving copious amounts of food coloring, discover an aged Alexander Calder animating a strange mechanical circus he has created under a miniature big top, once Adam gets unlimited data on his new phone. Yes, we cluster around the internet again as a flickering campfire, but of course it, like everything, hangs on a thin thread, and will doubtless soon fall temporary victim to the vagaries of unforeseen circumstances. And we’ll feel frustrated, and yet breathe a sigh of relief.