In addition to organic frozen spinach and out-of-season pomegranates, the Mega sells something called an "Espantasuegra," which means "scare your mother-in-law." That's what it said on the sealed boxes in the toy aisle, sitting there waiting to be opened and shelved. I don't know what it is yet, but I intend to find out. Not that I want to scare my mother-in-law. Actually, I'm sure I've already done it, unintentionally, of course.
There are dogs that will call people on the phone for you. The next time I have a phone, I definitely need one of those.