Wednesday, October 16, 2013

"Robots"


J: Today we want to talk about—um—it. Doing it.
A: [Laugh.] Just say what you mean.
J: But you know what I mean. So does everybody else.
A: [Shaking head.] OK. So we’ve known each other a long time.
J: Yeah—25 years or something!
A: And in all that time, you’d think—well, things would get a little boring.
J: Well—they have gotten kinda boring from time to time.
A: I wasn’t bored. I was just frustrated.
J: OK, frustrated. We can call it that.
[Gets up and goes behind the podium where an oversized bottle of beer is waiting. Uncaps the beer and takes a long drink.]
But people are probably wondering, you know, what’s our secret.
A: And we do have one.
J: Yep. Two. Robots.
A: You heard that right. Robots.
J: We've had the same fights, over and over. A million times! It’s gotten so that we don’t even need to have these fights anymore. They’re so yesterday! So...fifteen or twenty years ago!
A: That’s the downside of knowing each other so long. But with robots, that problem is over. Solved.
J: Yeah. The robots can have the fights now.
A: We just program the robots and let them slug it out. And we can go on having fun. Enjoying each other’s company! Just like married people are supposed to do.
J: Yeah, and so rarely actually do.
A: It’s like marriage can be one big failure. One big let-down. I see it from Tallulah’s perspective. Old people yammering in raised voices about something incomprehensible and repetitive. How stupid is that? Let’s move on. It’s the twenty-first century! Let robots feel the pain!
[They kiss.]
T: [Appears stage right, with the two robots.] Ew, gross—kissing! Can I kiss, too?
A: Here they are.
[The robots start arguing. A and J share the beer and root for their bot. They have remotes and occasionally aim them at the robots to mix up the battle.]
J: You can be as involved as you’d like. Usually we just turn them on when we feel the urge and hit auto, because who has the time?
A: [Describes the programming parameters, networking ability, open architecture, and logic parity in some detail.] So you see, nobody gets an obvious advantage. Meaning, it’s fair play!
J: Occasionally we learn something from the exchange, but mainly they’re just taking over a dull task. Leaving us available for more creative pursuits.
A: Welcome to the future.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

The mountain across the street


We finally figured out how to get to the top. 
And foraged for sour oranges.
Posed.
And played a fun game.
And posed. Forty-three years young, baby.